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Monday, September 22, 2014

Heart To Stone


Heart To Stone

If give you a piece of myself
don't take advantage.
If I've opened up my hands and given you my broken mending heart,
its much more than a gift,
it's trust suspended and vulnerable.
If I cry and approach you with my concerns,
if I speak in loops and come to you with the same pain and worry,
don't try to fix it,
don't try to excuse it or explain it away.
If I am sincere and ask you something that came from the deepest part of me
and probably took everything to it go to you,
give me no excuses, no lies.
For this is all of me being offered to you,
exposed and open.
This is me giving my all to you,
offering my love and everything I have left to give.
But if the tears stop...
the emotions cease...
and all the periphrastic utterance does not leave my lips,
then know that my broken heart is no longer just broken,
but turned to stone.
Except my tears...
for when they leave
there is nothing else of me that I wish to share,
no more is my trust given,
but all is taken away.
When you've taken advantage,
taken the fragile heart I've held out in my hand
tossed it to the side for another fleeting fancy,
know this...
a heart of stone is no longer malleable,
it no longer feels the pain
will no longer be open to the same source again.
On that day regret is all you will have
left right next to the empty, cold spot
that once my warm, mending, accepting heart you placed.
Gone goes the broken heart turned to stone....

By AponiNova

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Sunflowers Aren't Pretty

I always use the excuse that sunflowers aren't that pretty in real life, and portraits and paintings always make them out like they are this beautiful thing, but in truth it is a bent reality, something ugly made to look beautiful so that we feel better about it. Truth is I hate sunflowers because it represents everything fake in people, everything that most people are. However, there was this moment in my life where sunflowers seemed so beautiful to me. We went to Kansas to visit my great Grandmother, she had simple sunflowers everywhere in her house, especially the kitchen. But it wasn't the sunflowers that I loved necessarily, it was what they represented to this beautiful wise woman, and how I longed to know what she knew, she had such a sweet heart, and was always willing to give, but her eyes.... her eyes spoke more than words could ever give to me, I feel like she held such sorrow, pain, joy and wisdom. It was curious to me, how a woman could hold all of that and more and still be the wonderful woman that she was. Sunflowers represented the fullness in her life. They had been beautiful to me, because finally they made sense in that one moment: Sunflowers only live for about three and a half months and grow to be between about 5 to 12 feet high, and the truth about that is they only stay pretty for about 1 week and that's right after they bloom, then they load down with seeds and the petals turn a dreadful color and fall off. You see, the representation became plain, because her life represented to me the growth of a sunflower, not the beauty. Out of the seed, the first root, radicle, pushes through and develops into a taproot. It continues to expand through primary and secondary tissues. Primary roots develop from primary tissues of the apical trimester that increase the length of the plant. Secondary roots, from secondary tissues of the lateral trimesters give rise to the girth of the plant. Both structures are vital for the growth and strength of the stem. The stem of a sunflower grows from the plume found inside the seed. The plumule is an embryo shoot with a hypocaust stem structure below the point where the plume was attached and an epicycloid stem structure above this attachment point. Since a sunflower is a dicot, the cross-section of the stem organizes the vascular bundles in an away to separate the cortex and create a pith. This is opposite of its root structure, which does not include a pith. The vascular bundles consisting of xylem and phloem transport water, mainly acquired from the roots, and food, mainly developed in the leaves, throughout the plant. The plumule gives rise to the first leaves of the plant that will go on to grow into organs for transpiration, with the opening and closing of the stomata found within the cell structure of leaves; for photosynthesis, and for other metabolic activities. Then finally the first bud of the flower gives way. The flower of a sunflower is actually several flowers, which is why it is considered an inflorescence. An inflorescence is a group of several flowers. Therefore, the many individual packets at the center of the head are the fruits of the plant, not the seeds. Each flower of the sunflower consists of the typical structures of a flower: receptacle, peduncle, sepal, petals, stamen, and a pistil. Consequently, every flower is able to develop fruit, or the ripened ovary, with the ovule (seed) inside. Before I lose you to boredom completely, the whole meaning is that very rarely do we see the beauty in people's lives so we choose to hang on to the one meaningless moment when the outside seemed to show beauty, the true beauty is on the inside and the trial it takes to get there. Am I saying that I like sunflowers now? Absolutely not, because they still represent the fake in the world, the temporary, because if they were represented correctly, then the true beauty of them could actually be appreciated.

The Fourth Stage: The Adult

Finally, when the caterpillar has done all of its forming and changing inside the pupa, if you are lucky, you will get to see an adult butterfly emerge.  When the butterfly first emerges from the chrysalis, both of the wings are going to be soft and folded against its body. This is because the butterfly had to fit all its new parts inside of the pupa.
As soon as the butterfly has rested after coming out of the chrysalis, it will pump blood into the wings in order to get them working and flapping – then they get to fly.  Usually within a three or four-hour period, the butterfly will master flying and will search for a mate in order to reproduce.  
When in the fourth and final stage of their lives, adult butterflies are constantly on the look out to reproduce and when a female lays their eggs on some leaves, the butterfly life cycle will start all over.
Much like life when you first step into the adult world, it seems all fresh and new. Like a beautiful new beginning. For some it starts out normally, they go through their childhood, enter into school, head through their teen years, onto careers and families. For others they face harder situations and have to struggle to finally make it. Either way, they are set on a path to something new.
For myself it was a difficult one. My adulthood started in my teenage years. I had to help my struggling family out, dealt with dangerous situations, caused by myself and others. Had a very hard early life in the weird reality of how normal and great my family really was. But had I not gone through things (been abused, used and taken for granted, etc...) I would not have been able to raise three wonderful, amazing boys on my own. Thanks to my amazing family to keep me sane, I made it through.